Thursday, 9 February 2012

Bollywood teaches you how to flirt

Single on V-day? Worry not. Let our Bollywood heroes teach you just how to floor your lady love. Go for it
A girl is walking down a lonely street. She is soon being tailed by an eclectic mix of baddies, who could be part-time chaiwallahs but are surely full-time professional extras. Quick cuts of her feet picking up some pace and their boots thumping away purposefully. They finally grab her and she squeals enthusiastically and before you know it, another person who was trailing her path is there to her rescue. Dhishoom! Dhishoom! The baddies are on the floor and the girl is in his arms and the audience is charmed. We can hop over to the Swiss Alps for a song now. This and many others qualify as Bollywood’s fundas for patao-ing the girl of your dreams. So here are a few that we are cherry-picking for you this Valentine ’s Day.
Domesticated and devoted

Nothing screams one-woman man more than someone who comes across as a mumma’s boy. Now, you may argue that no self-respecting man would want to seem like a remote-controlled toy who is spineless and emasculated. But you would be surprised by the magical powers of appearing ridiculously attached to your mummy. Many women find this to be an added asset as they see that you are willingly domesticated and it’s only a matter of time before the leash can do the change of hands. Bollywood biggies have rolled down their sleeves time and again to play the house rat who is always available on call and makes ‘hen-pecked’ seem like a respectable and accepted way of life.
Frankly speaking

If you’re not creative enough to script heroic tales of your imaginary adventures, it’s always good to say it exactly the way it is. Even if that means admitting to not having any hobbies or laudable talents. Honesty is often the best policy during courtship. It declares right away that if you can be trusted, you will always have an open dialogue about the most personal issues (no matter how flippant they may be) and that is a rare trait one can find in most men (as per the women’s glossy mags). The Baadshahs of Bollywood have often exposed their candid self to their leading ladies, earning their empathy, that over time and nudging can snowball into concern and even love. Voila!
Doston ka dost

Now, this may not even seem like a thing that would induce any batting of eye-lids. But subliminally, seeming the man among men can have fringe benefits. Simply put, it conveys that you’re popular, social and that you blend well. And with gender equality on a high, it’s easy to assume that the one who is heading the show in the male brigade can surely light the torch for the women as well. So, before getting around with the women of your dreams, try to become the boss among your male friends. But yes, draw the line when bro-mance takes over from male-bonding or it will defeat the purpose of this exercise or not?
Tease please

From SRK to Aamir, Saif to Salman, every Bollywood hero worth his six-pack abs has indulged in some healthy teasing. A well-executed prank or just a flirtatious manner has always managed to be wildly annoying. But this is the kind of sweet irritation that most women crave. But like the previous lesson, observe moderation and don’t go over-board. The idea is to delight your date with your sense of humour and not pop her eye-balls by wrapping a frog inside a gift box.
Be a ladies man

There is a thin line between being a Casanova and being one who makes women comfortable yet doesn’t exploit them. The idea is to trigger the notion that women feel comfortable, safe and happy with you. This doesn’t mean you’re gay but it also doesn’t mean that you’re dating every girl you hang out with. So you’re great company and every girl wants to be with you. A little bit of jealousy can get the women biting each other’s heads off to have you. Women can be fierce, try to ensure as little bloodshed as possible.
Band Baaja Barjataya

From ‘Hum Aapke Hain Kaun’ to the last shaadi-dance-sangeet movie, Bollywood has firmly made one point: Weddings are the best venue to pursue womenkind. Just seeing two souls formalizing their love for each other can have a delicious effect on estrogen-fueled beings. And if you've learnt one thing from Bollywood heroes, it is to attack the women when they’re at their weakest, which is at the dance floor. This may require prior training since the idea is to have a good time and shake a leg or two and having two left feet could ensure you break a leg or two, scoring only in embarrassing yourself.
The common man approach

Amol Palekar redefined the common man and even ensured that being a nobody can be cool and also appeals to a certain set of ladies. And why not? Nobody likes a show-off but everyone likes a simple, practical and straight-forward person. This sort may not be aware of the latest BMW models in the market but will surely know about the many flavours at the beachside ice cream vendor. Greeting card companies endorse it as ‘simple pleasures of life’ and some people call it middle-class living but being a man of little needs is like being a tiny pup by the roadside rolling the in a puddle of muck. Why? Because both have the same effect of women.
Cool cats keep it classy

Moving on from being middle-class, it is equally important to acquire a certain amount of finesse in your overall manner. Taking cue from the cult song ‘Bade Miya Deewane’ from ‘Shagird’, the way one speaks and conducts oneself is what makes a man. So you are what you wear, eat, don’t eat etc. Too picky and you move into another category but just the right set of habits and you’re just fine. Don’t believe us? See what Amol Palekar did in ‘Choti Si Baat’ and how it paid off. If it doesn’t come naturally, don’t force it. But try to inculcate a few finer things in life since the simple things will only get you as far.
Grow old with you

This may be scary and unimaginable but most women go to the extent of sizing you up to a point that they visualize how you would look when you grow old. This is because the idea is to grow old together. There is very little you can do to manage this but clicking black and white pictures with your partner may be a start. You will still look just as old as you are but this colourless filter (check above picture) has a unique quality of timelessness that could just tame her imagination. Well, momentarily at least.
No Hotel California, please

This may be the oldest trick in the book but there is just something about being able to strum that guitar rhythmically enough to create sounds that soothe the nerves. And what has worked in college canteens and under balconies for our onscreen rockstars will work for you just as well. Unless of course, you can only play ‘Hotel California’.
Playing a country boy

This is a formula that dates back to 50s Hollywood, when Rock Hudson transformed his big city boy self into a country boy to thrill Doris Day. Later, many Bollywooders ditched their fancy accents for a more rustic style to do just that. Remember Govinda in the 15 odd movies where he played a village lad, ignorant of the ways of city life? It just extends a certain amount of misguided innocence along with many positive features: honest, dependable, idealist, family-oriented etc. A country boy is quickly identified for his rural mannerisms and simple outlook at life. While going overboard in this act could make you look like a mindless simpleton, just the right mix of sensible and sensitive could do wonders.
Seal the deal

This is the last yet important lesson that our Bollywood gurus could offer. Hindi films have explored the entire gamut of kissing as you will see in the video below. From full-mouthed smooches to teeny-weeny chummas, each has its own defining feature and allocated time of delivery. So when to mouth which one is of paramount importance. What worked for Aamir Khan while riding a bike (in Ghulam) could land you in the ICU and what Spiderman did upside down could lead to rush of blood to the head. Without being too preachy, let’s just say that this one, you have to figure out for yourself. Just feel the energy and do what you believe won’t get you slapped. Happy Valentine ’s Day!